This Saturday is the debut of my Dirty Dancing, The Burlesque!
Check this out!
This is pointless. Why bother lifting the ban at all? The restrictions are pathetic.Do you have any idea how many straight people spread HIV and AIDS? If you’re going to restrict gay men until 5 years of no sex with another man, than you should be restricting straight men from giving blood until they have had a 5 year period of no sex with a woman, and reverse the gender as well.
With this news I am ashamed to be considered a Canadian! Thanks for setting the country back a decade with your prejudiced, uneducated decisions. Considering how ignorant those behind this decision are, it begs the question: Is the blood received actually safe in the hands of such half wits? I’m less worried about a gay man’s clean blood than an infected, straight person whose been cheated on by their monogamous, straight partner without their knowledge and now has AIDS’ blood..
Yes, a run on sentence..
Thanks for nothing Canada..,
We all post about hot celebrities, cause lets face it: they’re hot! I don’t believe I’m giving my readers too much credit in saying that most of us don’t hold any delusions that a pretty face makes a great personality. By now most of you know me enough based on my sarcasm in my writings to know that while I have my own delusions in life I don’t base my choice in men on a pretty face. Yet I do on occasion still get a speech response about how a pretty face isn’t everything.
It makes me snicker sometimes when people try to explain this to me. When you think about it, making the assumption that one thinks a pretty face is everything is rather insulting. I mean in truth you’re calling them dumb or foolish. Someone even went as far as making up a bunch of things about a celebrity when I posted a status about him. Why do we feel the need to be hateful toward others who have success or beauty or intelligence? It doesn’t really make us look better.
I thought about my past relationships. There isn’t very much the men in my life have in common except me. While looks are often the first thing that people see, thus the first thing that attracts us. I have to say the men I have dated certainly have not all had a pretty face. I’ve dated some men who had beautiful faces and ugly personalities, Beautiful personalities and not so beautiful faces, skinny, fat, athletic, muscular.. smart, dumb…old, young.. the point is it takes a lot more than just a personality or just a pretty face to make anything work. Different people attract us for different reasons, and just because someone has a pretty face doesn’t mean they should be labeled undesirable except for their beauty. I know plenty of people who have all or a combination of beauty, brawn and brain.
But honestly.. there are just as many pretty faces who are assholes as there are ugly faces that are assholes.. so if you want to like a pretty asshole, I say go right ahead! Your chances in life are fifty/fifty.. There is just as much chance the ugly guy you date will treat you like crap as there is the pretty guy you date will treat you like gold.. so really, who cares what anyone else thinks?
Insecurities are contagious. The things adults say in fear can kill dreams. We’ve all wanted to be something someone else told us we couldn’t or shouldn’t be at some point in our lives. Musician, actor, painter, writer, poet, dancer, athlete.. super hero… In everyone’s lifetime they meet at least one naysayer who tells them they need to be “realistic” and look for a “real job” or “You need something to fall back on.”
I understand where this comes from, especially as a parent. My mother did it to me, and the truth is she still does it, though not as often since I’m very stubborn and vocal about the fact that I’m not interested in hearing it anymore. Parents mean well, they just want to know you’ll be ok. Every good parent wants their child happy, fed, financially stable with a good roof over their head and to be surrounded by a good support system. The issue is that these things don’t always happen at the same time.
I wanted to be on stage. I was repeatedly told I needed to have a steady job, a “real” job, because what I wanted to do was not a job but a hobby. Ouch. Way to crush a dream. Sadly, this is a common theme in most people’s lives. Seldom do we support our young ones in achieving their dreams. We equate happiness with money, we love things instead of people, and so we teach our children to do the same by telling them they need to earn a steady paycheck and have nice things in order to be happy. Why do we do this? Are we happy? Does our big screen tv keep us warm at night? Is the miserable existence of spending ¾ of our time at a crappy job, working for people who don’t even appreciate us worth all the material possessions we waste our money on?
Get up in the morning, sit in traffic with thousands of others equally unhappy in life. (like being herded) Go to a job we hate, working for people we don’t like or sometimes haven’t even met.. people who don’t even know our name. (People who don’t know anything about us yet we place their needs before those we claim to love) We’re not happy, so why the hell are we encouraging our children to be miserable? Why do we put so much time, energy, and effort into something we hate all the while wishing we could be doing something we love then tell our children to do the same? You can’t say “Get a real job” and “I want you to be happy” in the same breath cause it’s pure bullshit and I’m calling you on it now.
Telling someone “you need something to fall back on” is like telling them “I don’t believe you can do this.” Instead, we should be encouraging people to chase after their dreams, persevere, and never give up!
The fact is those miserable jobs will always be there. It is never too late to be miserable.. you’re worried about your child having a hard life because they might not achieve their dream, but the reality is working in a dead end, soul-sucking job that pays bills (sometimes) but leaves you miserable is a pretty hard life isn’t it? When you look at all these successful people do you honestly believe they had a “fall back” or that they just happened upon their success while working at their local big box store or telemarketing?
I challenge every adult with influence on any child to ask them what their dream is and encourage them to go after it. No dream is too big or too small, because it isn’t your dream, it’s theirs. So stop trying to take it away! The possibilities are endless and life is so short, don’t let your insecurities affect your child’s happiness. If they want to be a musician buy them an instrument. (Why the hell are you working in that place you’re miserable in if you can’t spend your money on something that will make you happy ie: your child’s happiness?) If your student tells you they want to be a super hero then tell them about local heroes like police, fire fighters, emergency doctors, the woman down the street who helped the old lady carry her groceries… and buy the kid a fucking cape for Christ’s sake.
Life is full of disappointments. No matter how hard you try you will not be able to prevent them all. There is no need to expedite the misery in life by beating it to the punch, especially when the chances of success are equal to the possibility of failure. Stop encouraging people to fail be default. A dream is not a hobby; it’s a chance at greatness. Try to encourage it, even if you’re too scared to lead by example.
For the record, I quit my miserable job and chose to live my dream. I have rarely felt happier!
Recently I was befriended on Facebook by someone who is a famous porn star. My favorite pornstar to be precise. I noticed in his profile that there were tagged photos of the actual star at actual events, tagged by legitimate people.. the people who put on the events. this happened right after a very close friend of mine was saying how the same porn star was having a conversation with her. In fact, said star told her to send him photos of her naked. Can you imagine your favorite pornstar noticing you? Requesting from you naked photos? Can you imagine how that must feel? I mean, wow! When your favorite pornstar asks you for a naked photo what do you do? Naturally part of you is like well no.. I don’t do that kind of thing that’s not my style. It’s one thing if it’s somebody you know personally like your lover. People do that kind of thing all the time between lovers, but this isn’t your lover.. this is somebody you wish was your lover but it’s not. This is somebody who is famous.
Which brings you to the other hand: how often do you get the opportunity to send a photo of yourself personally requested by your favorite pornstar? So what do you do?
My friend choose to send the photo and good on her. I mean, I’m proud of her for taking that step. This is a famous person that we have lusted over for many years and most other people I know have also lusted over him or wished they were him; men and women alike.
I admit I was pretty stoked when this person sent me a friend request on facebook. Of course it didn’t take very long for them to request the photo of me as well. Now I’m a liberal woman but I’m not just gonna send a photo of myself naked. I did send a photo that was professionally taken of my burlesque shoot. But then he asked for more. He wanted more nudity and in fact was pretty persistent.
Consider how you would feel for a moment: your favorite pornstar requesting this of you and being persistent about it. This same star was befriended by another friend of mine and requested the same of her. Like my other friend, she sent a photo of herself in the nude. it’s important to note that neither of these women would do this at all for anyone, but this is our favorite pornstar this person is famous and the subject of many, many fantasies for many people on this planet.
So imagine yourself in that position: your favorite pornstar requesting photos of yourself and imagine you went ahead and sent the photos. Then imagine that you tweeted about what you did or at least about how you had a conversation with them only to have that same porn star from his official Twitter account contact you and say “I hope you realize that’s not really me.”
That is what happened. It turns out this guy runs the profile for that pornstar. The profile is legitimate, the person running it wasn’t. At least, that is his current claim as he tries to pull his head out of his ass.
Can you imagine how that feels? This person, knowing full well that they have this power, this advantage over all of these people because they think he is this the famous porn star; this person is using that power to convince these people to do things that they wouldn’t normally do such as confess their deepest feelings or desires, tell their fantasies and send naked photos! How is this much different than slipping something into someones drink to get what you want or, I don’t know, sexual assault? I mean granted the guy didn’t rape anyone but he took advantage of people in a sexual nature. He convinced them that he was somebody that he actually wasn’t, somebody that he knows they look up to, a person of power. That is absolutely sexual abuse.
This person is a sick individual and I hope that he gets punished severely for what he has done.
Recently someone or some people in Hamilton, Ontario fired two shots through a window where The Pearl Company owners Barbara Milne and Gary Santucci sleep. Barbara and Gary are incredibly lovely people and they run a great venue. Even their staff were incredible. I have a strong belief that wonderful people are always surrounded by other wonderful people, so it is only natural that they have such a great staff there. I held Stories for Grownups, a Seuss Burlesque at the venue and my cast and crew loved them, as did the patrons. I couldn’t have asked for a better experience and I will be holding many future shows at The Pearl Company.
Needless to say I was shocked and quite upset when I heard the news, especially after reading the article by the Hamilton Spectator that police suspect this was a targeted shooting! They are trying to clean up the area and they get shot at.
I am asking everyone who reads this blog to repost, share, tweet, etc. and to join me in supporting Gary and Barbara in cleaning up the area. Simply spreading the word is more help than you can know. Letting them know they are being supported in their fight to clean up the area is even better! You’d be amazed at how much strength and confidence is found in the knowledge that people are standing behind you. These are great people and The Pearl Company is a great venue. Lets get behind them!
Here is the article mentioned in this blog. http://www.thespec.com/news/crime/article/877961—pearl-company-owners-escape-gunshot-injuries
I’m not new to producing shows, but this was my first time producing a multi-date, multi-city production. I’m actually in shock at how smooth everything went! 3 shows in 3 cities in as many days, and not only did I survive, I came out unscathed!
Show 1: Hamilton, Ontario.
Putting this one together took the most effort in finding support. Getting a response from venues proved quite a chore, but I believe I struck gold in The Pearl Company! Not only were they incredibly accommodating, the owners and staff were absolutely lovely and helpful. The event sold out over a week before show day and the crowd was amazing! Hamilton, you are clearly hungry for this type of great entertainment and I promise you I will continue to deliver!
Show 2: London, Ontario.
This date saw the 3rd annual London Britches Falling Down at Call The Office. Each year I have seen the show grow larger. I saw a lot of people from previous years and I cannot thank you enough for your continued support.
Show 3: Stratford, Ontario
Molly Blooms never fails to host an incredible show! My love for you continues to grow! There sincerely are no words to adequately portray quite how incredible the staff and patrons are on a consistent basis. I won’t even attempt to find the words because none would do justice.
In all, this little series was a smashing success! I’ve been home for less than 6 hours and all I can think about is “When is the next one?”
The answer to that my fabulous followers is: Very soon. In fact, it is already in the works!
I never had to worry during this tour because everyone involved was ridiculously competent and helpful! I was able to just do what I had to do and trust without a doubt (and rightfully so) that the people I delegated jobs to were exceeding expectation!
My heart felt thanks goes out to my extraordinary cast and crew:
Burnin’ Ethyl who rocked the house at The Pearl Company in Hamilton
The Hi Tones who have been part of my annual London show since the very start and will continue to be my musical guests for my London Britches shows.
Ben Payne who I think may in fact be a musical deity..
My fabulous emcees: Madam Poynter and Jim Kelly, you amaze me with your awesomeness!
My stage kittens: Taylor Tatas, and Hello Caitie who filled in very last minute to save the London show from having britches left all over the place, and Amanda Teases.
My amazing performers:
Lucky Fremont, Red Herring, Bianca Boom Boom, The Mansfield Brothers, Bella Barecatt, Kinky Bizkit, Miss Helvetica Bold, and Tahitia Bellefille. I couldn’t have picked a more amazing group of people to travel with! I miss you all!! Come back!!
The great venues: Barb, Gary, and staff at The Pearl Company. Tony and staff at Call The Office (especially the very lovely door man Sean, and the ever accomodating sound man Shiraz) Rob, Candice, and the always impeccable staff at Molly Blooms, you are unlike any others in customer service, anywhere..ever.
Oshawa Ogre and Pheonix Designs for the posters, and Wilfred thank you for the postcards and tickets!
The sponsors for your very generous donations: Sinvention, Total Recall Retreat, Jessica Lutz Photography, The Comic Book Lounge and Gallery, Jonesin for Cake, Salon D’ior, Grooves Records, City Lights Bookshop, Downtown London, Uber Cool Stuff, Hoopstix, DJ Wiggs.
Tim S (@Oathbreaker) Lady Hope and Curvy Girl for working my door, and work it you sure did! xxx
Chris Hudzieczko and Paul Wickerson for your postering skills!
My most important thanks of all goes to Edward Jackman and Andrea Camara. Without the two of you, none of this would have been possible! You worked incredibly hard and it is very largely because of you that we saw such a great success. You two are my heroes!
It’s time for a glass of my favorite red, pjs, and book in bed. If I make it through a single chapter I’ll be impressed with my stamina!
More love than words in a blog can express to you all! xxx
In high school a couple friends of mine started avoiding me. They may have thought they were being subtle but I thought of them as sisters so their suddenly filtering me out was as loud as a siren to me. Never one to beat around the bush, I called them on it and they said “We think you’re too good for us.” Nothing about those words flattered me. I couldn’t figure out what I’d done, I was the same person they’d hung out with for years. I made attempts over the years to keep a friendship but to no avail. One hits the like button every now and then, the other is completely out of my life.
I went on to college and a room mate told me flat out one day that I was intimidating. The word became a redundancy in my life. I spent years trying to change it, but I had no idea what “it” was, so how could I change it? I didn’t know what I was doing that was so intimidating. Of course, I was 19, how the hell could I grasp what it was about me that was making others so uncomfortable when I was still getting to know myself?
I adopted many personalities to try and fit in. I thought I was too aggressive so I faked being docile. That didn’t last long.. I finally realized I was just assertive. I hate gossip and don’t believe in talking about people when they aren’t there to defend themselves. I’m very vocal about these things, so biting my tongue only resulted in my eventually spitting the blood out at those who were constantly judging others.
I was picked on for being too “pretty” too “confident”, “skinny”, “curvy”, a “know-it-all” because I could keep up with talking about in hockey, music, comic books, movies …. the list goes on. The one recurring title though was intimidating. I tried changing the wardrobe but nothing I wore prevented it. I already didn’t wear makeup, I changed how I wore my hair, I stopped admitting I like things because no matter what I said or did, no matter what I looked like there was always people who just didn’t like me. The only thing any of these people had in common was me.
I lost jobs, relationships, friendships.. of course, you are always told that if they were really your friends they wouldn’t do that.. but words mean nothing to someone when they’re experiencing all of this. I just keep trying to change myself so others won’t be so uncomfortable around me. It’s happened again recently that someone I respected and looked up to as a mentor, and a few other “superiors” turned to me and said a lot of things they judged me for, things that hurt quite a bit. I need to think about how I make people feel, they said. I need to consider my behavior..etc.. etc.. not once could any of them point out a single incident of course, but the damage was done. Again I found myself railroaded and told I make others uncomfortable.
I prepared to lick my wounds and try to change again, but then stopped. Maybe it’s maturity kicking in, maybe I’ve just had enough, who knows.. but it finally hit me. Why the hell am I wasting all this time trying to be something I’m not to fit into places where I’m not appreciated? Why do I censor myself for the comfort of others who bring nothing positive to my life? Why do I bite my tongue for those who hurt me, continuously let me down, or are careless with my feelings? I have a small group of people who love me as I am, and they are the ones I’ve never felt uncomfortable around. I’ve never had to pretend, change, dull myself, tolerate or worry around them. I am 100% myself around them and they praise me for it. I’m not their friend because of their praise, but I love them because of how I feel around them. I love them because of who they are. Yet here I am wasting all this time and energy on the others who tell me that who I am is bad and needs to change.
If you need to change something about me what the hell is the point? More importantly, why should I change to fit in to your world? So I changed my tune. I decided to stop trying to fit in to something and start trying to find something that fits me. What you call intimidating, I call a big bleeping sign that says “I am what you wish you could be but don’t have the courage to”.
If my confidence, my zest, my beliefs make you feel bad about yourself, that’s your problem. Don’t make it mine. My door is now closed and I will no longer be accepting anyone else’s problems.
Here is what I know about me: I’m not afraid to stand up for what I believe in. I’m not shy. I don’t care if you like me. I am who I am. I’m a good friend. I’m honest. I’m a hard worker. I’m over generous. I’m positive. I stand up for those who can’t do it themselves. I’m affectionate, loving, and caring. (And damnit, people like me. Sorry, had to throw that in there)
I’ve cut out the people who add nothing positive to my life. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m just not cut out for corporate office politics filled with insecure people, possessing so many faces it makes your head spin. I’m too honest and straight forward to fit in there.
I’ve embraced that I’m intimidating. It’s a flaw? There are plenty of opportunities in life where that is an asset. I’m finding those. Accept me for me or get out of my way world. I’m fine the way I am. If you don’t like it, find your own world.
As you were…
I know a lot of people don’t understand my choices. That’s ok. I don’t expect or need them to. Life is far too short to live it for anyone else. I can accept others for their choices and they can accept me for mine. If they can’t, the beauty of it is that they don’t have to be in my life.
I have a daughter. I have Burlesque. I have my loved ones. There is me. I have a day job that funds all those things. Essentially, I work to live, but I do not live to work.
I have Kitten 50% of the time. This translates to my not having her 50% of the time. Half. Half her life. Half of a 4 year old’s life is tremendous. I am incredibly selfish with that time and thus nothing else exists during it except the one thing that funds it naturally. So when I am with my child I am with no one else. I don’t want to have to check in with you to remind you that I am thinking of you because the honest truth is that I am probably not thinking of you. I’m thinking of her. Don’t get me wrong, the chances are very likely that I will think of you and I will find a way to let you know that, but it won’t be because I have to do so.
Then there is the other half of the time in which I fit in all of the rest. My Burlesque requires coming up with routines that are sometimes requested themes from the producers that hire me, rehearsing those routines, finding costumes/props/music, etc.. there is also marketing/advertising for shows because lets face it, if you don’t buy tickets, I don’t get paid for all that time, energy and money I spend getting ready for shows. It’s a passion I don’t want to give up, so I make damned sure it’s worth my while.
I have friends and family and I adore them. I have very few that are close to me. They’re busy too, so coordinating time to spend together is often difficult but always worth it.
There are the requirements of life for a healthy living: doctors, dentists, appointments, etc.. those take up my time. I do those because I should, not because they are pleasurable. And errands, housework, all the things I despise having to do but they need to be done. Those things take up time!
Somewhere in all of that, I need to find time for me. I need to sleep in every now and then. I like to read, write, walk, swim, relax.. I have things that I like to do and the truth is I really do get along well with myself. I have to maintain that relationship with myself too.
The day job consists of an hour commute each way and 8 hours on the job, sometimes more. I only get 2 weeks vacation, 6 sick days and 2 personal days in a year. Between Kitten and myself those sick and personal days are exhausted, my vacation time from this year is spent and next year’s vacation time is already dedicated to my brother’s and my best friend’s weddings. (Not to each other)
What is left? Anyone who wants to be my lover. How many people could accept being so far down on the totem? When put in perspective, my decision to be polyamorous isn’t derived from a desire to be promiscuous. The reality is that there is no possibility I could ever be what fulfill’s all of one’s needs in life. I don’t have time. They say time is made, not found.. well show me in there where I can make time instead of find it and I’ll hire you as my life assistant!
I can’t be there all the time, it’s just not a possibility in my mind. But I am human and do have needs and desires like every other human. If you can find one person to satisfy all of those needs and wants, amazing! I can’t satisfy them in a person so the truth is if one is to be a lover of mine they will need to have others in their life to satisfy the needs and desires that I don’t. Closed minded individuals mistake this as having to do strictly with sex, but that’s just plain ignorance. We have a need for companionship, we have a need for security, we have many needs and most don’t involve sex.
I’ve been fortunate to have had the experiences that I have had in my life because they’ve taught me a lot about myself and what works and doesn’t work. For example my last relationship. For all the heartache and stress it caused me, especially after it ended, it was a very valuable lesson for me. I learned that complete honesty works in a relationship. I also learned that what I thought was honesty wasn’t actually honesty. Here I am dating a married man who claims to be honest but lets face it.. he’s cheating on his wife.. what honesty is there in that? And here I am claiming to be honest but I’m dating a married man.. I mean really now. All the ways he justified his actions were pure dishonesty and I’m saying I believe them but deep down inside I know I don’t. I wasn’t honest with myself, how could I claim to be honest with anyone else? What I considered honesty was a lie to myself.
My current partner and I are honest. We both have others in our lives and we are honest about them. Surprisingly, with real honesty I have found that there isn’t any insecurity in me about it. I know he sees others and I’m sincerely comfortable with that. And yes, despite my lack of time, I do have more than one person in my life. I’m completely honest with them about myself, about each other, and about my time. When there are no secrets or lies, there is less time and energy spent on keeping track of secrets and lies leaving more time and energy for the things that are positive in your life. What a crazy concept!
This is what works for me. Luckily it’s what works for my partner too. If it didn’t, we wouldn’t be partners. No one should have to change to please another. (Don’t mistake compromise for change please.) If it stops working for one of us, we’ll be honest about that. It really is that simple.
Did I mention I am writing a book?
Click on Start. Start. It’s on the bottom left corner. On your monitor. Your monitor. The screen that you look at on the computer. Start. Go to control panel. Control panel. It’s in the start menu. The start menu. It’s what popped up when you hit start. No, don’t hit start again. Ok, hit start again. Did the start menu pop up? Then click start. Now go to Control Panel. Control panel. Now click on it. Click on control panel. Click on it. Click on control panel. That start menu disappeared? Click on start.
Ok, do you own a gun? Is the gun near you? Go get the gun. I’ll hold…
Curious how people get offended by things that don’t actually apply to them. For example, I said I prefer women who look healthy as opposed to women who look like they are ill/unhealthy with bones protruding in ads. There were quite a few who made their opinion known and that is very welcome. Then there were those who got completely offended and started to defend themselves and skinny women around the world. This baffles me. Especially because the ones defending themselves were not sickly or ill looking, but beautiful, healthy looking women who just happened to be slim. I clearly stated unhealthy-skinny, not healthy slim. The skeleton figure is not healthy nor is it natural. If you are skinny, that is perfectly fine.
What makes people get offended and defensive over a comment that doesn’t even relate to their state? I ask you readers, because I honestly am curious about this. If I say I don’t find people who ride mopeds upside down attractive, would you get offended while riding a moped right side up? If you do drive a moped upside down it doesn’t mean I don’t respect you or that I’ll think ill of you It just means I don’t find you attractive and we probably won’t agree about moped riding. I’m sure there are plenty of other things we can enjoy about each other and if it’s a deal breaker we’re no worse off then before we found out our differences.
Why do people get offended over things that don’t relate to them? It’s just baffling. Have confidence in yourself, love yourself, and if something doesn’t describe you, calm the fuck down. Is it insecurity? Is it simply a desire to get upset and yell? Do you just want to be heard?
I remember being 12 and my brother @krisratte being 6. Living in Kapuskasing was perfect for storms. We’d go sit in our front porch with all the lights off and watch the lightning. We’d count between when we saw the flash and when we heard the crash to determine how far away the lightning had hit.
There is a certain nostalgia to storms.. sometimes that porch with my brother is my happy place.
Choice: The mental process of judging the merits of multiple options and selecting one or more of them.
We’ve all got the power to make a choice. Everything in life is choice and every decision has consequence. The consequences for making the choice may be unfavorable, there are repercussions for actions, but no matter what the results may or may not be, favorable or not, everything is choice. Everyone has a choice. Except victims.
Victims are people who were not given a choice. Maybe they ate at a restaurant where their food caused them to get sick. Maybe they were walking down the street and a bomb went off resulting in their losing a limb. Or maybe someone was raped. In all of these cases, the person did not have a choice. The perpetrators made a choice for them, taking away from them their right to choose. No matter what the person did or didn’t do, no matter what outfit was worn, road was chosen, dish ordered, none of these people were given the choice.
Had the food poisoning victim known the chicken was bad, they would have been able to choose not to eat it. Had the bomb victim known that at that time there would be a bomb detonated at that location, they could have chosen to walk elsewhere, or not to walk at all. If they chose to eat it anyway, or walk it anyway, it was their choice and thus they could not call themselves a victim. When a person has their choice taken away from them, they are a victim.
Sometimes a choice is taken away physically as the examples given above. Sometimes, choice is taken by fear tactic. Telling a child they will get in trouble if they tell anyone, or that harm will come to them or someone they love are some examples of being victimized by fear. In these cases, usually, the person does have a choice, but the consequences of their choice could result in serious harm. Out of fear, they are manipulated to make a choice in favor of the aggressor. If I tell you to lick my shoe you can easily tell me where to shove that shoe. If I hold a gun to your head, will the decision to tell me where to shove it be made as lightly? If I held that gun to the head of someone you love, what then? Now, you do have a choice, but your choice affects another person’s or your own safety. Your options are then limited. That is not to say that if you chose not to lick the shoe and then I shot you it was justified. I manipulated you, I took away your choice, you are a victim. Manipulation of decisions is still taking someone’s options away from them.They are still being victimized.
Too often people play the victim. A cheating spouse for example. *In this case we’ll portray the cheater as male, but roles are just as commonly reversed. No gender is more guilty than the other. People cheat all the time.*
A man cheats on his wife. He claims his wife is mean, unloving, and won’t have sex with him. He claims he doesn’t have a choice. He can’t leave her, she needs him. They have children, he has to be there for the kids. So he cheats. The reality in all of this is that he is not a victim. He makes a conscious decision to stay with his wife and be dishonest with her. He chooses to cheat. Maybe all the things he says are true, but no one forced him to cheat. There is a huge difference between not wanting to face consequences for your actions and being forced into a situation by fear for safety. Did the wife threaten the man with the loss of their children? That would certainly manipulate the man into making the decision to stay where he is not happy. But it wouldn’t make the man cheat. That is his decision.
Subsequently, the person he cheats with is not a victim either, unless of course, her freedom to make a decision was removed. Did she know he was married? Did she willingly and knowingly enter a relationship with the man despite the fact he is married? We’re getting away from the main subject a little because there are many factors that make one a victim but making a bad decision is not one of those factors.
In almost all situations, we have a choice. Paying taxes is a choice. The result of not paying taxes is unfavorable, so we (most of us) choose the favorable result. Breathing air. That is a choice. If you don’t breathe, you will most certainly die. Breathing is a choice.
No one chooses to be a victim. But, one can choose what happens next. One can choose to no longer be a victim.
You can choose to get better and not bitter. You can choose to accept what happened, and even embrace it for not killing you but making you stronger. You can choose to learn from what happened. You can choose to be a survivor.
The choices are endless, but they are important. If you survive, you win. If you continue to be a victim, what or whomever place you in that victim status wins.
You have a choice. It’s your choice. Make it.
Me: Being single sucks. The only thing I get to do now is whatever the fuck I want to do.
Dude: then cums over here and u wont be single lol…if u dont mind me dominating u that is
Me: I don’t think you read my tweet properly.
Dude: lol i have been up way to long…sorry…38 hrs is just to much..lol
Me: Hmm.. doubt you’d have the energy to dominate me to my capacity
Dude: lol…u wish..when it involves sex i get energized. The touch of a womans skin mmmmmm
i love fucking a womans mouth and watching her gag and tears smear her mascara down her face
Me: No dear, I’m not the one wishing. Just sex doesn’t work for me. Appreciate your confidence but I’m more than you can handle.
Dude: Really u like complete domination then. Sorry i havent meet a woman i cant handle. No woman is to much woman for me
Me: Of course you haven’t.
Dude: lol…wow rough nite for me truly. I guess we all have them on occasion. I dont like to talk i like to do. Ur a challenge. Yumm
Me: You’re right about the last two things you said. The rest is speculation.
Dude: hmmm not really. If i find u attractive and sexy then i will make u submit.
Me: No you won’t.
Dude: i take it u havent met a man to do so yet. That would end with me. When i come to u. U will be on ur knees. Waiting for my order
Me: You’re trying to convince a woman on Twitter that you’re a man like she’s never encountered before. I’m smitten…
Dude: lol smart ass. Yeah. But i will admit u r getting me aroused. I like ur banter. I m curiois to meet u. I see great fun
Me: Oh boy, let me check my date book. Stay right there.. I’ll be right back!
Dude: defiance only gets u punished. I can see punishment is going to given alot in the beginning
Me: Sweetie, there will be no beginning. I’ll go on submitting to my Sir, you’ll go on trying to convince me you’re a man.
My biological father left when I was 3. He came back when I was 6. I had no idea who he was, just that some dude my mother knew wanted to start seeing me again. That was how she put it. “Reg wants to start seeing you again. Do you want to see him?” I had no idea who Reg was.. but she knew him by name so I thought the proper answer should be yes. The man paid attention to me, which was something I rarely got so I prospered with and from him. He was strict in a time where I had no rules.. at all. We were very close until he met this woman. At first I loved her. I told him if he didn’t marry her, I would. But after a while I got to know her more and she was a very negative person. She always had an excuse as to why she couldn’t work so my father paid for everything. She did nothing but gossip and talk behind people’s back. No one was safe. She constantly put our family down, creating a rift between my father and his brothers and sisters. I was floored at this because the most valuable lesson I’d learned from my father was that family was the most important thing in the world. For him to not only alienate himself from them, but to start agreeing and even complaining about them with her just had me at a huge loss.
Then we had a disagreement. I told her I was tired of her constantly putting my family down and that if she cared for my father at all, she’d work at reuniting him with them instead of trash talking them all the time. I’m not sure what she said to my father after that but he didn’t speak to me for years, until we were face to face over his mother’s death bed. Things seemed like they might mend after that, but they didn’t. He never called me, he never returned my calls, he made zero effort. Whenever we did talk it was because I reached out. When it came time that I was going to walk down the aisle, I chose the man who had adopted and raised me to take that walk with me. My father was invited to my wedding of course.. he showed up five minutes late and as we were walking down the aisle he dashed in and ran to his seat. WHILE I WAS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE! Wow. I made no issue of it, I didn’t even bring it up. Not worth it. But, he was supposed to spend a week with us at my place. Kitten was 3 months old, so he was just meeting her for the first time. He came over, held her awkwardly, asked what she was going ot call my dad and whined because he wanted “Granpa” as his name. K.. fine.. she can call him something else.. she calls him Pappy now anyway. Then his girlfriend (same one) informed me they would not be staying but in fact had to leave because he had a doctors appointment they could not get out of. I’m thinking: you’ve known about this wedding and visit for a year but suddenly there is an appointment?
I only thought it, I made no fuss. I said I was disappointed and asked that they call me when they return so I know they got home safely.
It’s a 10 hour drive. 2 weeks later I call them as I had not heard from them.. they had been at their friend’s house for 2 weeks visiting, sorry they forgot to call. I thought there was a doctor’s appointment? Hmm.. that was the last I heard from them.
I’ve been told that she dumped him when his retirement money ran out. I had no idea where he lived or how to reach him. I only recently got his number from a cousin. I haven’t called it. I haven’t decided if I should. The man has made zero effort..
Today I saw pictures posted on my aunt’s Facebook of his 65th birthday party. the whole family was there. I was never invited.
I’ve thrown out his number.